Human Chain
by Indyctator
Summary: After spending 48 hours with his stupid boss and his insane fellow officers, Squalo just wants to take a goddamn shower and go to bed.


**Human Chain**

Squalo had just opened the door when Xanxus shoved him to enter the mansion first.

"Out of the way, trash" growled the Varia boss.

The shark grumbled an inaudible "Piss off" before following Xanxus. They had just come back from a mission in the middle of the night so he wasn't in the mood to argue with his short-tempered boss.

"I'm so tired" whined Lussuria as they were all heading to the officers quarters. "We didn't get a wink of sleep for more than 48 hours; it's so bad for my skin…"

Squalo rolled his eyes. Who cared about skin's condition? They had spent 48 hours together and more than once, he had considered killing one of his fellow officers. He just needed some time alone, a goddamn shower and then, he'd head straight to bed.

They each entered their own room, none of them bothering to bid the others a good night. Squalo closed his door with a relieved sigh. After a moment of relishing his intimacy, he headed to his bathroom and grabbed his comb. Every time he came back from a mission, his hair was a complete mess. He was carefully combing his long silver hair when he heard a scream. Judging from the high pitched voice, he guessed it was Lussuria. A few seconds later, he heard another shout. This time, from Levi.

"What the fuck is wrong with them?" he scoffed before shrugging the problem away.

His hair neatly combed, he hastily undressed before jumping in the shower. With a satisfied smile he turned on the water.

"VOIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII! WHAT THE FUCK?!"

Squalo quickly turned off the water. The _icy_ water.

"You've got to be kidding me" he growled as he tried once more and cringed as the cold water hit him like a bullet.

Shivering, he got out of the shower, wrapped a towel around his waist and left his room to see what was going on. His eyes widened as he discovered the Varia officers, except for Xanxus and Mammon, were standing in the corridor, all half naked and equally pissed.

"Peasant" Bel aimed a knife at him "why is there no hot water? The Prince needs to take a shower."

"You guys don't have hot water either?" asked Squalo, ignoring the young officer.

They all shook their heads.

"I really want to take a shower" moaned Lussuria. "Do something about it, Squ-chan!"

"I'm gonna take a look at the boiler…" sighed Squalo.

To his annoyance, they all decided to go with him. When they were finally facing the treacherous device, they stared at the big red light blinking at them. With an impatient "Tch!", Squalo tried various buttons but the red light kept mocking them.

"Maybe we should try to turn it off then on to see if it changes anything" mumbled the shark.

They all watched as he hit the power button then hit it again. For a brief moment, the boiler hummed peacefully and they all grinned. But the red light came back and was now blinking faster. It was all they could handle.

In a matter of seconds, the boiler was the target of a sharp silver knife, a brutal sword accompanied by a loud "VOIII", a painful kick and a hit from an umbrella.

Powerless, they watched as the boiler breathed its last.

"Now what?" asked Levi.

"It's the middle of the night so we can't call a plumber or whatever" said Squalo. "What about Mammon?" he asked as he suddenly noticed the Arcobaleno's absence. "Maybe his illusions could get us some hot water?"

"And why would I do that for you?" came a voice from behind.

They all turned to discover Mammon, already wearing his pajamas and apparently not happy.

"Mu, I'm trying to sleep but you make so much _noise_. Can you stop this ruckus?"

"Ushishishi, baby peasant, you give us some hot water or I'm going to skin you alive" threatened Bel, a couple of knives appearing in his hands.

"I'm not afraid of you" scoffed the baby. "I'm willing to give you hot water but it'll have a price."

Squalo's eyebrow twitched.

"How much?"

"How much can you give me?" asked Mammon.

"Never mind" growled Squalo. "I can survive until tomorrow without a shower."

The others seemed to think about it for a moment before they all nodded, Lussuria being the last one to do so with a heartbroken look.

"Fine" said Mammon. "Now you all shut up or I'm really going to use my illusions on you and it won't be hot water…"

Mammon's comment made all of them stiffen and Squalo was about to retort something but the Arcobaleno had already disappeared. That was the moment when Xanxus decided to show up and they all froze. Just like them, the Varia boss was half naked, a tequila bottle in his hand and a nasty expression on his face.

"Hot water" he simply said, his tone heavy with menace.

"There's a problem with the boiler" explained Squalo. "I'll call the plumber tomorrow."

"Tomorrow?" repeated Xanxus.

"It's 3am. No plumber's going to come at this hour. We'll have to wait till tomorrow."

"I want to take a bath."

"Excuse me?" said Squalo in disbelief.

"A bath, trash. I want to take a bath" Xanxus growled, glaring down at his officer. "_Now_."

"Voiiii, I just said we'll have water tomorrow!"

"Bath!" snarled Xanxus, taking out his guns and aiming at his officers.

"You've got to be kid-"

BANG.

Squalo swiftly avoided the shot and ran out of the boiler room, along with the other Varia officers.

"We need to go to the kitchen!" shouted Squalo as they were running away from their enraged boss.

"We have a kitchen?!" asked Bel, baffled.

"Where do you think the food comes from, idiot?!"

"A Prince doesn't need to know how peasants manage to get food on his table… Why are we going to the kitchen anyway?"

"Mammon won't help us so we have to go to the kitchen. Levi, you go wake up everyone. We're going to need a lot of people to get that shitty boss his damn bath… And a lot of pans."

* * *

Xanxus smirked. He knew he just needed to give Squalo some motivation to get his desired bath. He watched with satisfaction as his tub was getting filled with steamed hot water, carried by all members of the Varia who had been woken up to take part in the long human chain coming from the kitchen to Xanxus' room.

**Note:**

_Dumb idea I got and since I wrote it down, I thought I'd publish it! I really need to improve my English..._

_Thanks for reading! Have a nice day! ^^_


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